So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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