brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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