Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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