ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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