I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
