hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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