Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Houston, we have a squirter
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
