even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
