You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
