Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
