I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
