Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
