i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
