Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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