I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
