its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
