Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
