1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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