How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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