Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He shit in the fireplace
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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