**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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