Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
