and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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