There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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