Having a random hookup so left but love u
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
