Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
