i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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