I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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