i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
