the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I supernannyed him into submission
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
