Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
