you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
