One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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