ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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