i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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