is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
