my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
