I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
