If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
