If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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