My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
