yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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