i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
