Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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