Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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