Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
