so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
