Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
