are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
