You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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