I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
