Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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